Speed Dating for the Literary Minded

I’m afraid my absence from the digital page has no exciting or dramatic cause. I have not been forcibly kept away from my laptop by tornadoes, floods or any other natural disaster that put saving the world at higher priority than blogging. The misfortune that inflicted this separation upon me was the horror of deadlines, a horror – I hope you will agree – that would send even the most brave and dedicated of bloggers into a mad, referencing-induced frenzy. 

However, I also went speed dating, which happily brings us back to the silliness that is the inside of my brain.  I didn’t go speed dating with the hope of meeting ‘my one and only’ (I don’t believe Ben Barnes or Benedict Cumberbatch would ever go speed dating in Balham), but I did go with the hope of an interesting evening chatting to interesting people…which sort of happened. It was certainly interesting and I certainly did not meet my one and only. I did, however, end up talking to some rather strange people about rather strange things. Mainly because towards the end of the evening the wine had been flowing and, getting bored of asking, “where are you from?” and “what do you do?” I resorted to “what animal would you be and why?” and “Dragons! Tell me about them!” 

One thing this evening did offer me, apart from a hangover and phone calls I have to avoid answering, is the fascinating jewel of procrastination that is 'which literary characters would I like to speed date with?' 

My first thought, naturally, was Dumbledore! But just four minutes with Dumbledore? No, I would need a lot longer than that with him, think of the questions I could ask! Like, why is he suddenly naked in Potter Puppet Pals: The Mysterious Ticking Noise? Then I thought of some more, Jon Snow, Prince Caspian, Achilles… and realised I was only thinking of actors I fancy and that’s not the point. 

Perhaps other Game of Thrones characters? Maybe Ned Stark? But I think we all know what he'd say. 

Or the formidable line “we’ll talk when I’m back.” Words, we’ve noticed, that ultimately result in the death of whichever character has the misfortune to utter them.  

So I’m looking for people who would be interesting to meet, but only for about four minutes and then you want them to leave…tricky. 

1. My first choice is Pi Patel from Life of Pie. I don’t need him to tell me his story; I’ve read and seen it. But, I would enjoy starting off the evening with a large glass of red wine while he looks at me with his rather amused expression and explains religion to me in a way that I genuinely appreciate. I think after four minutes I might become internally confused about my spiritual leanings, so four minutes would be just the right amount of time for me to engage with Pi peacefully. Then, when the timer goes I would feel happy enough to say goodbye and watch him walk serenely to the next person with a feeling of ‘yes, I’ve learned something here’. (But no Richard Parker. I love tigers but being mauled to death on the first date would not be a good start.)

2. My second date would be with Cassandra Mortmain from I Capture the Castle. There’s no particular reason I would like to meet her other than I think we would get on well and that four minutes would be enough time to form a life-long friendship. Then she could invite me back to the castle; I’ve always wanted to live in a castle.

3. Mr & Mrs Beaver from The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. This might sound silly but when else are you going to get to talk to animals that can actually talk back? Not an opportunity to be passed up, I think. 

4. I think my fourth choice might actually be my favourite. Skulduggery Pleasant, from his own series by Derek Landy. Not only would I get to have a date with a real, smartly dressed and ever-so-polite skeleton detective, but I also find him incredibly funny. Only four minutes with Mr Pleasant would be a shame but I imagine that sit there any longer and he would have to dash off to do some world-saving of one kind or another and I’d prefer it if he didn’t bring any vampires or monsters into this already quite strange concoction of characters. 

5. Finally, to end my rather short but fun-filled evening on a high, I’ve decided on Mr Knightly from Jane Austen’s Emma. I would have chosen P & P’s Mr Darcy, only I don’t think he’d approve of me and it would probably just be really awkward. Mr Knightly, however, is much more cheerful and gentlemanly. He’s also extremely handsome, at least in my head, and I haven’t done any swooning yet. I am supposed to be dating these characters after all so perhaps if I leave Mr Knightly for my last date, my evening could end in a much more satisfactory date-like manner. 

Despite the lack of love at my first speed-dating event, I’m trying it again in a different location, with hopefully different men, at the end of the month. You never know, perhaps with a repeat attempt I might stumble across one of the Bens, or at least a talking beaver. 

A Snowy Silver Lining

 So first I must apologise for my absence over the last few weeks. I've been on placement with the fabulous HarperCollins in the children's editorial and publicity departments and trying to be a real person has taken away most of my brain power. However, I finish next week, which will be horribly sad, in fact, why are you making me think about that? How mean!

Moving swiftly on, I'm currently sitting in my pajamas on the sofa, watching Saturday Kitchen Live, and trying not to look out the window. I can't believe it's snowing...in March. Anyone remember March 2012? There was sun, lots of sun. But, ever the optimist, I thought I would search out that silver lining for you all. Not surprisingly, my silver lining involves books. 

The Perfect Books for a Snowy Day

Harry Potter - All of them, because they are all perfect for all occasions.

The Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey: not only does it look like a beautiful book but the story is just as enchanting. 

Jack and Mable, in their cold homestead in deepest Alaska, don't have any children, something that is a constant ache on Mable's heart. One evening, in a rare and playful mood, they make a child out of snow and decorate her with a scarf and gloves. The next day, the snow child is ruined but there are mysterious footprints leading away from the pile of discarded snow and the clothes are missing. When a beautiful little girl appears in the Alaskan forest, dressed in the same scarf and gloves as their snow child, Jack and Mable cannot help but fall in love with her, but it cannot be winter forever and Mable cannot forget those footprints in the snow. So begins a magical and charming story full of love, mystery and beautiful landscapes. Perfect for curling up on the sofa and pretending the wind howling outside is a wolf cry from the snowy mountains. 

The Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe by C. S. Lewis: An oldie but a goody and certainly a book I never get bored of. Need I tell you the story? If I do then you don’t deserve to be reading this blog and I demand you go out and read the story immediately. I think this book is great for a snowy, miserable day because the adventures of the Pevensey children start on that very sort of day. If it had been sunny and delightful they never would have resorted to hide and seek and Lucy would never have hidden in the wardrobe, fallen through the back and ended up in a snow-covered, talking-animal inhabited and wonderful land known as Narnia. I recommend you read this and then go and try and get in your wardrobe, I can almost guarantee that you will get to Narnia too, as long as you stay in there long enough. 

For those of you who like denial when it’s miserable outside, I am suggesting The Island by Victoria Hislop. OK, so maybe the leper element is not, ultimately, happy, but it is set in sunny and gorgeous Crete. It is also a brilliant story full of secrecy, love and tragedy that I can promise you will be completely sucked into. Alexis has never known much about her mother’s past, but on a life-changing mission, travels to the little Cretan village of Plaka, which holds the answers to the secrets of her mother’s life. It is heartwarming, sob-worthy and has a blissfully beautiful, albeit tragic, setting. Hopefully you will be so swept away that if you keep your back to the window you won’t even notice the misery outside. 

I could go on, but surely this horrible weather will have gone by the time you’ve read all three books right? RIGHT?