Speed Dating for the Literary Minded

I’m afraid my absence from the digital page has no exciting or dramatic cause. I have not been forcibly kept away from my laptop by tornadoes, floods or any other natural disaster that put saving the world at higher priority than blogging. The misfortune that inflicted this separation upon me was the horror of deadlines, a horror – I hope you will agree – that would send even the most brave and dedicated of bloggers into a mad, referencing-induced frenzy. 

However, I also went speed dating, which happily brings us back to the silliness that is the inside of my brain.  I didn’t go speed dating with the hope of meeting ‘my one and only’ (I don’t believe Ben Barnes or Benedict Cumberbatch would ever go speed dating in Balham), but I did go with the hope of an interesting evening chatting to interesting people…which sort of happened. It was certainly interesting and I certainly did not meet my one and only. I did, however, end up talking to some rather strange people about rather strange things. Mainly because towards the end of the evening the wine had been flowing and, getting bored of asking, “where are you from?” and “what do you do?” I resorted to “what animal would you be and why?” and “Dragons! Tell me about them!” 

One thing this evening did offer me, apart from a hangover and phone calls I have to avoid answering, is the fascinating jewel of procrastination that is 'which literary characters would I like to speed date with?' 

My first thought, naturally, was Dumbledore! But just four minutes with Dumbledore? No, I would need a lot longer than that with him, think of the questions I could ask! Like, why is he suddenly naked in Potter Puppet Pals: The Mysterious Ticking Noise? Then I thought of some more, Jon Snow, Prince Caspian, Achilles… and realised I was only thinking of actors I fancy and that’s not the point. 

Perhaps other Game of Thrones characters? Maybe Ned Stark? But I think we all know what he'd say. 

Or the formidable line “we’ll talk when I’m back.” Words, we’ve noticed, that ultimately result in the death of whichever character has the misfortune to utter them.  

So I’m looking for people who would be interesting to meet, but only for about four minutes and then you want them to leave…tricky. 

1. My first choice is Pi Patel from Life of Pie. I don’t need him to tell me his story; I’ve read and seen it. But, I would enjoy starting off the evening with a large glass of red wine while he looks at me with his rather amused expression and explains religion to me in a way that I genuinely appreciate. I think after four minutes I might become internally confused about my spiritual leanings, so four minutes would be just the right amount of time for me to engage with Pi peacefully. Then, when the timer goes I would feel happy enough to say goodbye and watch him walk serenely to the next person with a feeling of ‘yes, I’ve learned something here’. (But no Richard Parker. I love tigers but being mauled to death on the first date would not be a good start.)

2. My second date would be with Cassandra Mortmain from I Capture the Castle. There’s no particular reason I would like to meet her other than I think we would get on well and that four minutes would be enough time to form a life-long friendship. Then she could invite me back to the castle; I’ve always wanted to live in a castle.

3. Mr & Mrs Beaver from The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. This might sound silly but when else are you going to get to talk to animals that can actually talk back? Not an opportunity to be passed up, I think. 

4. I think my fourth choice might actually be my favourite. Skulduggery Pleasant, from his own series by Derek Landy. Not only would I get to have a date with a real, smartly dressed and ever-so-polite skeleton detective, but I also find him incredibly funny. Only four minutes with Mr Pleasant would be a shame but I imagine that sit there any longer and he would have to dash off to do some world-saving of one kind or another and I’d prefer it if he didn’t bring any vampires or monsters into this already quite strange concoction of characters. 

5. Finally, to end my rather short but fun-filled evening on a high, I’ve decided on Mr Knightly from Jane Austen’s Emma. I would have chosen P & P’s Mr Darcy, only I don’t think he’d approve of me and it would probably just be really awkward. Mr Knightly, however, is much more cheerful and gentlemanly. He’s also extremely handsome, at least in my head, and I haven’t done any swooning yet. I am supposed to be dating these characters after all so perhaps if I leave Mr Knightly for my last date, my evening could end in a much more satisfactory date-like manner. 

Despite the lack of love at my first speed-dating event, I’m trying it again in a different location, with hopefully different men, at the end of the month. You never know, perhaps with a repeat attempt I might stumble across one of the Bens, or at least a talking beaver. 

Egg-cellent Family Easter Reading

Easter Sunday: a holiday to celebrate Jesus dying for our sins and then rising from the dead in a most surprising and cheerful manner and every one being very happy about it...He then picked up a rabbit from the garden and said "You are now the Easter Bunny. You will deliver chocolate eggs to all those who have given it up to mark my time in the desert, the eggs should be decorated with baby things like lambs and ducklings as they're cute and show the joy of spring time!"  

Or....Christianity got muddled with a pagan Springtime ritual of some sort, but I much prefer my slightly blasphemous version, apologies if you don't.    

Most people associate Easter with Jesus, chocolate and a very-much-needed bank holiday, but not necessarily a family holiday. However, when my flatmate and I were discussing how we were both spending Easter with our families, she commented that "It's like Christmas, but without the pressure." Which is so true! No worries about presents or everyone getting along, just lots of food and sitting around together in a if-you-feel-like-it sort of way, it's even sunny...some years.  

Apparently it's a German thing...we like it

In my parents' house there is a definite feeling of confusion that it isn't Christmas. It's cold outside, my dad is having constant battles with the fire, we're drinking a competitive amount of wine and reading in silence a lot, we even have a tree (see photo). 

We tend to do a lot of reading here, speaking is done during meal times but otherwise it's a pleasant quiet of page turning and the low rumble of the fire. Often a conversation will take along time if we do try to have one because someone will either say something while walking out a room, or forget the rest of us weren't privy to the earlier bit of the thought process that had happened inside their head, or we're all so engrossed in what we're reading that we only give half answers and any external person would think we sound like monosyllabic maniacs. 

 So it's better to keep quiet. Like Ents, if we're going to talk then it's better not to waste words.  

After giving you that bizarre insight into the strange little microcosm that is the Prysor-Jones household, I thought I would give you a bit more and tell you what we're all reading.

I am currently curled up in the corner of the comfy sofa and have just finished reading Skulduggery Pleasant, Playing with Fire, the second in Derek Landy's wonderful series about a skeleton detective. It actually makes me laugh out loud, much to the annoyance of some family members who think I'm too old to get this much pleasure out of children's books. I said it's because I want to work in children's book publishing that I have to read this sort of thing, but actually it's because it's brilliant. 

To broaden my mind, however, I am now reading Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys. It tells the story of Antoinette, the daughter of a white slave-trader on a Jamaican island. In the first part we see her traumatic childhood seen through her eyes with her strange and dramatic family, then in the second part, the part I have just started, a new voice begins to narrate. This voice belongs to a rather famous Mr Rochester? I do hope you have heard of him? He has married this young, beautiful and exotic woman but in the hazy heat and tension of the island he starts to doubt that everything is what it seems. Knowing the next bit of the story from Jane Eyre's perspective, I am looking forward to seeing how it felt for the person hidden away. This copy was my mum's when she was at school, it was published in 1968 and cost five shillings. I'm enjoying it so far, especially how the jarring and muddled way the writing is fashioned encourages the reader imagine the stifling environment and to feel the trauma, passion, fear and, dare I say, madness of the characters. 

My dad has just informed me, in an overly casual fashion I felt, that's he has been 


reading The Lord of the Rings in Italian. I suppose if you're learning a language then reading a book you know really well is a good idea...but Lord of the Rings? How often is he going to need to know how to say 'Orc' in Italian? He is now researching lamb recipes, this I am actively encouraging, especially after he said something about butter, garlic and rosemary. Yum.  

I just sneaked a look at my sister's Kindle to see what she's reading and it's in Spanish...I am feeling irritably inferior. I also don't feel this is a fair representation of her usual reading habits. Honor reads more than anyone else I know, and reads everything, if we ignore her slight disregard for hilarious skeleton-detective books. Apparently her book is like The Three Musketeers but Spanish, at least, someone is a captain and they keep getting into fights in taverns. But, it's annoying her because she thinks she would really enjoy it in English.

Previously, she read Love in Idleness by Amanda Craig, which apparently is A Midsummer Night's Dream in modern day Tuscany. It sounds fabulous to me, A Midsummer Nights Dream being my favourite Shakespeare play and Tuscany is one of my favourite places. Honor says she really liked it, especially the characters and the relationships between them. Apparently it took her a while to figure out the Shakespeare element and it was only when people started making potions that the penny dropped. But a fun and easy read and I would like to borrow it from her, apart from she read it on her Kindle - biggest downfall of technology in my view. 
















 My mum reads a lot too, she's a member of a book club so ends up reading many strange things not of her choosing. This one, Tigers in Red Weather by Liza Klaussmann, is one she is thinking of suggesting. The book is about a woman in New England who is bored of her life and marriage, but the story, genre and everything you are expect completely changes when there is a gristly discovery behind a tennis court years later. The title of the book comes from a poem called Disillusionment at 10 O'Clock by Wallace Stevens. A poem that draws upon the dreariness of a life that has no colour, no imagination, the exact sort of disappointing life the main character Nick, finds herself in. Mum thought it was intriguing and a page turner, but not one for the book group as she couldn't face reading it again. 

Maybe your family is not the sort who can spend hours comfortably in the same room but in different worlds. Maybe reading is not a central point that conversations pivot from. But, if you're a reader and someone else in your family is a reader than you can safely bet that they will also enjoy talking about whatever they're reading. Take an interest, ask them about it, even if it's your five year-old nephew's story about a duck with a spade or your overly loud aunt's sickening romance novel "Love in a Time of Avian Flu". Talking about books can be almost as fun as reading them. It is also something that can be done together as a family, which after all, is what Jesus and the Easter Bunny would have wanted.