The Do's and Do Not's of Dating Like a Fictional Character

My beautiful tulips from...?

If you’re on of the lucky ones going on a date tonight, well, you’re probably not reading this. But, if you are one of those lucky ones and are going out a bit later tonight so have time to sample this literary delight, you are even luckier than first you thought. Why? Because I am going to give you some advice.

A simple list of do's and do not's from the literary world to make your evening less of a disaster, or not a disaster at all if you're very clever. You can give yourself points for each one you know if you like.

DO: jump off several buses, fight some people and partake in a car chase. As long as you order your martini shaken, not stirred, you can get away with anything.

DON’T: accept the honour of being the Hand of the King if it’s offered to you on your way to your date. Ned Stark accepted and unfortunately lost at the Game of Thrones.

DO: put a lot of thought into dressing yourself. If you’ve ever read the Odyssey you’ll know a lot can be gained through a heroic dressing scene.

DON’T: follow any rabbits with pocket watches down rabbit holes. Very unwise. If, however, the rabbit doesn’t have a pocket watch you might be OK, but don’t be late, late, for a very important date.

DO: make sure, if female, that your eyes are looking particularly ‘fine’ this evening. Any Mr Darcy’s hovering around will find you irresistible.

DON’T: marry them if you know they are a member of your rival family. It all ends in tears believe me.

DO: take their hand if they are sitting upon a magic carpet asking “do you trust me?” They might show you a whole new world.

DON’T: be put off if they turn out to be a werewolf. They may lead somewhat troubled lives but some are actually very nice, as long as they’ve taken their Wolfsbane potion, and they make very good Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers.

DO: slam on the breaks if you see a distressed woman running out in front of your car. It could be that she is the lover of your husband and he was previously driving this car, which actually belongs to your lover. Killing her will cause an awful rumpus, as if there isn't enough confusion anyway. (Ten points if you guessed this one).

DON’T: press the red button. (That’s not from any book I can think of but it’s still good advice).

Follow these simple steps and you should have a stress-free romantic evening, I’m sure of it.