The publishing industry is in a time of flux. We have to go
digital, we need to collaborate, we need more men in the industry…seriously,
and we need to be environmentally friendly. So I thought I would do my bit and
contribute some cutting edge ideas that not only create a break in the market,
but use absolutely no paper, collaborate several different purposes and men can
certainly get involved, I can safely promise to encourage that. Are you ready for this?
Introducing: The Five New Things To Make Books Out Of.
So it may need a catchier title, but I think I’ve explained
fairly well where I’m coming from. I believe that multitasking the book is the
way forward; everyone likes a gadget and my ideas are highly convenient for
that busy bee who still loves to read.
Proposal One: The Edible Book
My first thought, weirdly enough, was a book made out of
cheese. I would like to point out that I was intolerably hungry when first
thinking about this and after much consideration I’ve decided a cheese book is
a silly idea. A sandwich book, however, is genius. This would have to be quite
a long sandwich and quite a short book, but personally I don’t think short
stories get enough attention anyway. Imagine it, you read a little chapter on
your sandwich, then once you’re finish, you simply nibble it down to the next
one. You can make it last all day! By the time you get home you’ve not only got
the satisfying feeling that comes with finishing a good book, but you’ve been
grazing on a delicious sandwich all day, which I’m sure I’ve heard is better
for you than three big meals. All in all, a healthy idea; it’s good for the
brain and for the waist.
Proposal Two: The Book With Wheels.
Perfect for the person on the go! You can glide past all
those commuters queuing at bus stops, jauntily wave at the sweaty and flustered
individuals climbing up from the underground and even have some fun weaving and
dodging along Oxford Street as you sail along on your four-wheeled, nifty
contraption. Then, reaching the office and dreading that long awkward lift ride
to the 100th floor, you simple pick up your mode of transport and
start where you left off. Safety helmet and knee-pads provided.
Proposal Three: The Book Tree
When autumn comes it can be annoying having to wade through
the piles of leaves covering the pavements; they make it slippy and mulchy and
pretty damn dangerous actually. But wouldn’t you feel different when a child
kicks a pile of these into your face if, instead of pretend to playfully kick
some back and ‘accidently’ kicking the child, if you could smile and grab hold
of those flying leaves and say “thank you little cherub, I’ll read these
later.” If all the leaves had poems on then autumn would be everyone’s
favourite time of year. Some could just have words on and like fridge magnets
you could collect them and make up your own poetry. If feeling playful, you
could find the few with words like ‘nerd’ or ‘bumface’ on and stick them to
your annoying colleague, though of course I would not condone this sort of
behaviour.
Proposal Four: The Slanket of Words. (I wanted to merge
‘slanket’ with ‘book’ but realised that’s just ‘blanket’ and I don’t think
people would understand).
When you’re wrapped up warm on the sofa and all you want is
a good book, even with a skanket (a blanket with sleeves for those uneducated
among you) it can be annoying to poke your hands out of the warmth to hold the
book and turn the pages. Imagine then, if you could just disappear inside the
blanket and read what is written on it instead. No irritating housemates
asking you questions because, with a Skanket of Words over your head, you evidently
should not be disturbed. No need to hold anything or turn any pages, if you
need to move on to the next chapter all you need do is wriggle a bit until you
find the next section. Perfect for solitude, warmth and an unsociable read
Proposal Five: The Tiny Projected Book
We’ve all been there; you’ve got stuck in a conversation
with Steve from accounting that you just know will go on for at least ten
minutes longer than it should. Poor Steve, he means well but it’s just so
boring that if you actually listen your brain may melt out of your ears. But
you like Steve, you don’t want to hurt his feelings by looking pained or slowly
inching away, this is when you turn on your tiny projected book. It could be
disguised as anything, an earring, a brooch or even a pen sticking out the top
of your pocket. Just subtly switch it on and the book that you are dying to
read will appear on Steve’s face! Don’t worry, the projector is cleverly made
and won’t blind Steve while he talks to you, but it does allow you to read your
story with all its excitement and emotion while staring directly at Steve’s
face. He’ll think you are really enjoying your conversation, you’re certainly
animated, and you get to have a little time to catch up on some you-time with a
good book. Everyone’s a winner.
I see no logistical problems with these ideas at all. I’m
even thinking of appearing on Dragon’s Den. That is if I figure out how to make
the trees listen to me when I explain my idea to them, right now they just make
me feel like I’m barking mad.
If you think of any wondrous solutions to the problems
facing the publishing industry at the moment do let me know on Twitter.
Together we can change the world, one insanely impractical idea at a time.
