Reading & Eating...Reating

So I thought it was about time I wrote a real and serious blog post about an important aspect of publishing. It had to be something current and on-trend, something clever and insightful.

Then I thought, "Naaa. Those poor publishing folk already spend too much of their time reading important and insightful things, their brains probably hurt. What they actually want to know is what food is good or bad to eat while reading. THAT’S what is really troubling the minds of the mighty book industry, so that is the need I shall satisfy." 

It should be noted that all observations are made on the assumption that one hand is being used for holding your book, no use of book prop is allowed, and the one-hand eating technique is being applied sufficiently. The book being used in my experiments is Moon Over Soho by Ben Aaronovitch, a trade paperback of 380 pages and an excellent read. 

Dish 1: Thai Noodle Salad

For one thing, way too spicy, never trust a veg man when he says it's a mild chilli. I thought this dish would work quite well, the one-handed technique essential for reading/eating harmony was easily applied due to my intense belief that noodle and pasta eating is best done in the slurpiest manner possible. This was mistake number one: huge splash-back. Worse, orange splash-back. If I was the type to be precious about my books then I would have been mightily upset, but I'm not, most of my books have bent spines and wrinkled pages and now, orange splashes. Second mistake was the colour mix. I am usually a huge fan of colourful food, it's aesthetically pleasing and gives an extra enjoyment factor to eating. When trying to read however, it's a bit of a distraction. So dazzled was I by my colourful culinary concoction that my usually masterful book was paled in comparison. 

Dish 2: I-Can't-Afford-Meat-Salad

This was generally a success. As you see, the colour ratio was tipped in the favour of the greens so the mix didn't distract. The spatula did a bit, in the sense that considerable restraint had to be enforced so not to jump up and pretend to play All Along The Watchtower. It was mainly a one-handed meal, only a fork was necessary for the majority of the eating time and the spatula was not actually used in consumption, I just think it's funny. 

What let down this dish was the significant lack of any carbohydrate or anything, actually, of much substance. While you may imagine this would draw the reader deeper into the 'substance' of their book instead, it actually resulted in a need for crackers. This in turn led to a need for a knife and use of the other hand, therefore, the technique was ruined and downwards fell Western civilisation as we knew it. 

The Orange: Disaster! That is all I need to say. D.I.S.A.S.T.E.R

The Cup of Tea: Absolute perfection. BUT, be very careful what you dunk, risky business that can end in a very sad face.

Dish 3: Vegetarian Chilli

Finally, we have a good'n. I promise this was very nice, it just looks a little like uncooked meat and rice with tiny slugs in, but I think that's due to my poor photography skills and forgetting to take the photo before I started eating. 

I could go as far as saying this was a dream of a reading/eating meal. Just apply a nice scoop action to get a good mouthful, ensure a nice balance to the fork before raising it to the mouth to avoid dropping calamities and simply enjoy! I say 'dropping calamities' because with food that red a spillage on the clothes does tend to look like a 'I always empty the dishwasher!' fight gone horribly wrong. However, get those simple steps right and it's not a meal that involves too much concentration. I would say pairing this dish with a good book, such as Moon Over Soho, actually has health benefits. Getting lost in the story slows down the usual warp-speed inhalation usually applied to eating, which I believe, correct me if I'm wrong Michael Mosely, is good for your health. 

THE WINNER

Maybe this was an obvious one considering I'm 24 and a wannabe-publisher. Consumption definitely only requires one hand, unless it's been a really bad day and you need it quickly, then it's the double-handed motion, grasping it to your bosom like an anxious squirrel with an alcoholic nut.  

Do let me know of your experiments, the successes and the failures, together we shall gather together enough reading/eating recipes to publish a book to outsell Jamie Oliver. It shall be called 'How to Reat, a collection of one-handed recipes for those who can't put a good book down'. Some irritatingly clever person may have thought of this genius idea before me so I may need to trademark the term 'reat' as soon as possible (reading/eating for those of you who still aren't with me).